


Drifting Among Long-Dead Stars

by TiredPanAndNotAFan



Series: Productivity [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Emotional Manipulation, Discussion of Death, Emotional Manipulation, Emotionless, Everyone blames themself, Food, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Logic Dies, Past Character Death, Patton is violent, Picnics, Scars, Self-Blame, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Unrequited Love, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, because Productivity feels one thing and that is ANGER, but it doesn't work, but only kind of, in their own special ways, it/its pronouns, misunderstanding of emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22680493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiredPanAndNotAFan/pseuds/TiredPanAndNotAFan
Summary: Logic is dead, and it's Patton's fault.Patton doesn't miss Logan, exactly.Patton feels guilty.Because thethingthat replaced Logan does not feel emotions.And because Productivity can't feel, Thomas doesn't have a sense of wonder.Patton decides the best idea would be to pretend he's in love with it.Productivity just wants to go about its business.It does not want to be bothered or distracted.The two quickly learn that Productivity has exactly one emotion left that it can feel.It's anger.(yo you gotta read the first one or this won't make sense)(tell me how i should continue this lol)(read the tags and tell me if i missed anything)(also Productivity has It/Its pronouns because it's baby and shouldn't be forced to be male when it is NOT because when Logan did the thing all the Gender was removed)
Relationships: past one-sided Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Productivity [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1585255
Comments: 23
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's the long-awaited sequel, whoop-dee-doo  
> tell me if i should keep writing this  
> TW in the tags, read them plz

Maybe Logic did still exist, in some corner of Productivity’s mind. Aside from the swirling vial on its shelf, maybe some bit of Logan still existed for the rest of them to see. If that was so, Productivity showed it in strange ways; never often, never positive, always in some form of anger. Perhaps the anger had been too stubborn to leave its host, perhaps it was what shoved everything else out.

Whatever the case, Productivity only felt one thing, and that thing was anger.

Patton knew this. Patton had spent long hours in its room, making puns and knocking things over on “accident.” Productivity never reacted, until it did, with glinting eyes, clenched fists, and seemingly passive statements filled with venom.

The long and short of it was, without the emotions that allowed Logan to love him, it hated Patton with everything it had left.

Patton was determined to change that.

He started bringing flower crowns and bouquets to Productivity’s room. He set the crowns gently atop its head and told it “how much he missed Logan.” Patton didn’t actually miss Logan, and everyone knew. Patton missed the idea of Logan.

Productivity often tried to explain this to Patton.

“You do not miss Logan. You feel guilty for your role in his elimination.”

Patton did not like to listen to things like that. He tended to ignore Productivity whenever it stated facts relating to Logan’s “incident.”

One time, Patton decided to bring Productivity along to a picnic. It had ensured that Thomas was a week ahead of schedule, and was taking a break. (“A cooldown period is ideal for maximum productivity. The previous statement is not a pun.”) 

Patton had put on his best outfit, tied his cat hoodie around his shoulders, and marched off to Productivity’s room. He hoped that he could coax some trace of happiness out of it, some trace of _wonder._

He did not find it.

Productivity had followed Patton out of its room, arms folded behind its back. As always, its movements were fluid, but not in the way a human’s are; each step seemed carefully choreographed, the swivel of its head on its shoulders was like a security camera being controlled from afar. It unsettled Patton in a way he could not describe. This washed-out thing (And Patton _did_ think of Productivity as a _thing)_ had replaced Logan. Not that Patton paid much attention to Logan when he was alive. None of them did. Productivity was quick to remind them whenever it was given the chance.

As Patton and Productivity approached the doors to the Imagination, Patton quickly stopped, expecting Productivity to run into him. It did not. Patton laughed nervously, switching the picnic basket from hand to hand.

“Would you-- I don’t know-- could you hold my hand until we get where we need to go? I don’t want either of us getting lost!” Patton looked down and shuffled his feet. He really hoped this would spark something in Productivity.

“Due to the nature of the Imagination, that is ideal. Please wait,” it said, monotone as ever, as it stepped forward and opened the double doors. When Patton had walked through, it closed the doors behind them and stretched out its hand for Patton to take.

They made their way through the Imagination, Patton swinging the picnic basket as they walked. He didn’t try to speak, he knew it would be to no avail, but he did squeeze Productivity’s hand every once in a while.

Since Logan died (that was what everyone was calling it), Thomas had no sense of wonder anymore. Patton tried to make up for it with honest excitement, but it was never as good. Thomas simply wasn’t astounded by things anymore. New information was processed and met with happiness or surprise, but for months now, Thomas didn’t find the same joy in things that for so long filled him with _wonder._ That was why Patton was trying to bring it back, that wonderful spark that lit up the Mindscape, but thus far, he couldn’t coax it out of Productivity. All he ever got was controlled anger.

He counted it as a start.

The two Sides stopped at a river, its banks dropping down to a fast-paced race around rocks and branches from the forest across the way. Underneath a lone maple tree, Patton sat down the basket and pulled out a checkered blanket, laying it out on the ground. He and Productivity set out the food and sat down, Patton “criss-cross applesauce” and Productivity settled carefully with its legs tucked under it. Patton offered it a peanut butter sandwich, which it took and ate slowly.

“So, Productivity! Um… Do you have a name?”

“No.”

“...Oh.”

Patton started gnawing on an apple as Productivity finished its sandwich. It inspected the spread around it, before choosing a container of blueberries. They ate in silence for a while. It was much more awkward for Patton, apparently, as he kept fidgeting and staring at Productivity.

Finally, Patton offered Productivity another sandwich. “This one has Crofter’s on it-- your favorite!” Productivity made no move to take it. 

“First, Crofter’s Organic was Logan’s favorite food. Second, personal preferences were deleted when my trait updated from Logic to Productivity. Third, fruit spreads contain unhealthy amounts of glucose.”

“Um… What’s glucose, kiddo?”

“First, glucose is the formal name for sugar. Second, do not use childish 'nicknames' on me." Productivity reached for a container or carrots, but Patton grabbed its hands, holding them tight in his own.

Productivity’s face hardened, ever-so-slightly.

“Productivity, you know you can enjoy things, right? You don’t need to-- gosh kiddo, you don’t need to act like a _robot_ all the time!” Patton was looking pleadingly at Productivity, his hands were shaking. He barely had any warning when it jerked its hands away and stood up, looming over him. Its fists were clenched and its eyes held pinpoints of white-hot rage.

“ _First_ , personal preferences were deleted when my trait updated from Logic to Productivity. _Second_ , do not use childish 'nicknames' on me. _Third_ , I am not acting. My mannerisms are default.” Productivity began walking away. It was the first time Patton had heard it use inflection, and it made him sit in dumbfounded silence until it was out of sight. 

Patton counted this... _outburst_ as progress.

When Productivity got back to its room, it did not go back to work, as it had intended to. Instead, it walked to its shelf and stared for long seconds at the vial. It was rather large, about the height of a water bottle and the same diameter as a quarter, neatly labeled as “EMOTIONS.” It swirled inside with a dark blue substance that glittered and emitted a soft light. Sometimes, when Productivity got too close, it could see small pink particles floating near the top.

When it looked at the vial for too long, it felt an odd pull in its head. Obviously, Productivity knew what it was-- its body and mind reaching out to that part of it that had been ripped away. It filled Productivity with something akin to-- no, more like a _shadow_ of fear. The scar that ran from the back of its head to the middle of its back itched uncomfortably.

It quickly turned away and went to work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a description of how the other four sides feel about Remus.
> 
> MAJOR TW: UNSYMPATHETIC PATTON, PATTON IS VIOLENT TOWARD REMUS, SELF-BLAME, SELF-HARM, DESCRIPTIONS OF FICTIONALIZED SURGERY (It's in tildes so yeye), NON-CONSENSUAL KISS ATTEMPT, SUBSEQUENT ACTIONS OF SELF-DEFENSE, BLOOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll summarize Remus's bit in the end notes because it's full of self harm and violent unsympathetic Patton.

It has been four months since Logan officially died. Thomas is used to not feeling wonder by now, completely acclimated to everything being just a bit duller than it used to be. Roman and Remus are both used to creating without the excitement of creation. Patton’s standards of what  _ is  _ and  _ isn’t  _ okay are much stricter than they used to be. Remus spends most of his time locked in his and Roman’s room, trying to avoid Patton, but whenever Thomas thinks about something  _ not okay,  _ he isn’t able to hide forever.

Roman sees Remus. He sees how sad he is, all the time. Roman sees Remus when he’s crying under the bed. Roman sees Remus when he’s laughing through pain. (The pain came from a few places; sometimes it was Patton. Sometimes Remus hurt himself.)

This was Logan’s fault, Roman thought, as he sat hunched over his desk, writing sluggishly. It was Logan’s fault that Patton was angry all the time. If Logan hadn’t-- if he hadn’t killed himself, maybe they would all be a family, and Remus wouldn’t be sitting bloody in their shared bathroom. Logan should have talked about how he felt. Roman would have accepted him! He would have been kind!

_ No I wouldn’t.  _

Roman reeled for a moment at the thought. He wouldn’t-- what? The answer made him sick, but although he tried to force it down, it forced its way to the forefront. His pencil snapped in his hands.

_ I was never kind to Logan before, I made jokes about him to his face. I would have made another joke and dismissed it. _

Roman felt sick. He knew that his thoughts were right. This was his fault-- if he wasn’t such a  _ jerk _ , Remus would be happy, Patton would be nice, and Logan wouldn’t be dead.

It was his fault that Productivity existed, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

Virgil liked Productivity. It didn’t yell, it didn’t make fun of him, it didn't pretend to be nice or happy. It told him facts and nothing more.

Sometimes Virgil was unsettled by Productivity’s inhuman ways. The way its eyes roved around the room without moving its head was the worst thing, but other habits - like its tendency to repeat things, and the complete lack of idle movements - were more understandable. It didn’t have feelings.

Productivity had once said, when Virgil asked about it, that it held no emotional bias. It made sense. Why would it have likes and dislikes, if it didn’t have feelings attached to them?

That was what Virgil had thought before its outburst in the living room the day before.

They were having a movie night. Patton insisted that they watch Shrek. Productivity had joined, but only to manage everyone. Near the end, when Fiona and Shrek were getting married, Patton did something, a very very  _ bad  _ something.

He had tried to kiss Productivity.

That in itself made Virgil feel sick just thinking about it. Patton didn’t like Productivity! He hadn’t even liked Logan! Patton  _ hated  _ productivity, and he talked about it whenever it wasn’t in the room. And he tried to  _ kiss  _ it!

The way it reacted was even worse, though. It was stuck in a loop in Virgil’s mind, forcing him to watch the altercation  _ over  _ and _ over  _ again.

Productivity grabbed Patton’s neck with one hand, and twisted his arm painfully with the other. It stood up, still holding Patton, and kicked his leg out from under him, letting go of his neck to grab his other arm. It pulled both of Patton’s arms backward, and slammed its knee into his stomach.

After that, it said something about self-defense and Patton’s guilt, Virgil had been too shaken to pay attention. Virgil had quietly followed it, finding that its door had been locked. (Not that Productivity ever let him into its room; it didn’t.)

Virgil figured that it was all his fault. He was supposed to be the observant one! He should have seen that this would happen! If he had paid better attention to Logan, maybe this mess wouldn’t have happened.

Or maybe it would have been worse. Logan might have thought that Virgil was being nosy. Patton could believe that he liked Logan better than him! Roman would make fun of him for being a nerd!

Virgil knew that things were bad, here and now. When was the last time he saw Deceit and Remus?

He didn’t want to think about it.

Virgil blamed himself for not catching Logan’s spiral. After all, he was the one who should have seen it.

Deceit knew that he wasn’t at fault for Logan’s… condition. He refused to believe that Productivity was a permanent fixture. He knew it was ridiculous-- he may have been the embodiment of lies, but he was supposed to know the  _ truth. _

He knew the truth, no matter how much he didn’t believe it.

Once, Deceit asked Productivity about the vial on its shelf, much to his regret.

The vial was, as labeled, Logan’s emotions, and Thomas’s sense of wonder. Deceit wanted to know if Logan could somehow be brought back. Productivity had assured him that, no, Logan was gone forever. It hadn’t used those words-- of course it hadn’t, they were too emotional for it. Instead, it told him a story.

~~~~~(fictionalized/sci-fi surgery)~~~~~

Productivity told Deceit about what it called the “Extraction.” Logan had set up a machine the night that he had yelled at Patton which made an incision from just above the base of his neck to the middle of his back, pulling back skin and muscle that got in the way, latching onto his spinal cord and snaking inside of his skull to leach out all of his “impurities,” as Productivity called them. Logan had placed the vial which his emotions would be contained in in front of him so he could see what would happen.

~~~~~ ~~~~~

By the time Logan’s essence has been distilled fully, Productivity was present and aware. It watched the sparkling blue  _ something  _ filter into the vial until it overflowed, the matter that spilled out of it dissipating into the air until it was nothing. (When trying to describe what exactly Logan’s emotion was made of, Productivity’s story came to a halt and it went to look through a dictionary. It could not find a proper descriptor.)

When he thought of that story, he cursed himself. He was supposed to keep balance! His job was literally to hide away things that might hurt Thomas! He should have been able to hide Productivity, at least!

Deceit knew it wasn’t his fault. Still, despite all the facts screaming in his face, he believed it was his responsibility to bring back Logan.

No matter the cost.

~~~~~(the remus section. check TW)~~~~~

Remus barely even thought about Productivity anymore. He barely had time to. Whenever Roman was out, he was busy raking his fingernails down his arms to the point of bleeding, or some other thing that often left him injured and crying in the shower, as he was right now.

Patton had become so  _ mean  _ lately. Sometimes when Roman was gone, Patton would appear and yell about the bad thoughts that Thomas was thinking. He would push Remus, sometimes; others he would punch and kick and scream.

It was all the same to Remus, anyway, as long as he was hurt.

When he did get time to think of Productivity, his heart sunk.

Logan might have been mean to Remus, but not  _ bad  _ mean. He only pointed out why Remus wasn’t really hurting Thomas. He never actually wanted to hurt his host anyway! He just wanted to be listened to!

Logan also wanted to be listened to. Remus should have made the others listen-- by force or by coercion, or some sort of diversion! 

Oh, no, that wasn’t original enough. That was from that… musical that Thomas made with his friend. He had to work harder, so he could be more original, like Roman.

Remus drifted to sleep, bloody and naked on the bathroom floor.

~~~~~ ~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus doesn't usually have time to think of Productivity, as he is usually inflicting pain onto himself, or Patton is hurting him. When he does think of it, he gets sad, because all he and Logan ever wanted was to be listened to.  
> He is also sad that he isn't as original as Roman, making a reference to the Ultimate Story Time Tour on accident.

**Author's Note:**

> TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN YOU NERDS  
> ROAST ME IF YOU SEE A TYPO  
> also please tell me if it hurts enough. i might go back and edit it if it's not angsty enough


End file.
